Your Memories

I would bare my gums, utter a giggle and you, with those little lips, would laugh in squeaks

I would start crying, and then stop, while tears would still stain your cheeks

You would complain, I wouldn’t even know whom, and still hate

I would wish to return home, the few days when you would be late.

 

We were supposed to walk all the alleys, choose pleasantries, sit on the sand while the ripples would shine in the sun

We were supposed to grow up together, and live the dreams that your absence has left undone

We were to celebrate our firsts, laugh at our mistakes, pacify our quibbles, with each other

How then do my memories not exist for you when yours clench me at the throat and make me shudder?

Life Gallops By

Nights of unfulfilled desire, unmet lust

Ferment from the dry wants of the crimson

Mornings of yet another day of forlorn

Rot from sleepy laps of the blue dawn.

 

Tempests carry dead leaves with a false hope of life

What is right and what wrong? This tiring strife

The naked sun that burns all the juvenile hopes

The disbelief at never giving up on this walk on tightropes

 

Among little specks of life, like horror strikes your dire curses

Among deafening silence, a mourning breaks with a music that nurses

Through forests of defeat, of loss and yet of new smiles, all wry

Life still, unendingly, gallops by

Never The Same

The memories that now seem lovelier than you

And the smile your thoughts trigger are what I hold on to

We are successful, lonely, strangers today as we walk past each other

We counter efficiently, breaking ourselves inwardly further and further.

 

The integral parts of our lives that each of us had become

Denials persisted, but in your absence, the way I would be mum..

Today,  a single word seems so tough to be spoken

Inspite of the infinite confessions on the nights we had broken

 

We pretend to laugh without abandon, we pretend to glorify our achievements

We fight endless wars, we fly high with unmatched confidence…

Yet how we break down in solitude, on the verge of reaching the peak

The phone rings a thousand times, yet it’s never the one we seek.

 

Yes, I do know you feel the same, you do feel the lack

That you too tear into greater pieces, the moment you try to sew yourself back

A thousand accomplishments , yet the heart I just can’t tame

I know, that for you too, without me, it’s never the same.

 

Not Deep Enough

Far and wide, a thousand joys evoke laughter where smiles fall short

And here, in the dimly lit lanes, the echoes deafen the numbed ears

The aching heart hopes against hope for one last resort

While the frozen eyes search for the warmth of the dried tears

 

You say that every deep sorrow is answered with happiness

But then, is our pain not deep enough?

And while we appreciate your legitimate goodness

Our undeserving grieves break us as we pretend to laugh.

Autumn Doesn’t End

They say that struggles have to be intense for prosperity to follow

That precursors of touching bliss are never shallow

They say that nights have to be terrifyingly dark, for the morning to be bright 

That adversities are to be won with strength and might

 

How then can we make our sorrow look more intense?

Our griefs aren’t that visible, they don’t look so dense

How much should we aptly break, to wake up strong?

Should we have made the settled feuds last even long?

 

Smiles that hide complaints and prolonged silences pacify denials that accrue

Endless desires of touching distant joys beckon us too

The autumn doesn’t end…How can spring follow when it isn’t even winter? 

How do we validate our agony? How much more do we sear?

Anymore

As the departing clouds complain of the silver linings that never were

As the winds losing strength, howl, in their need for attention, so dire

A drop of sunlight melts into the sea, with many more walking the shore

“Is it wrong, that it doesn’t look dark anymore? “

 

As the fingers storm relentlessly on the keyboard

As the pen’s might searches for the exact sharpness of the sword

A  mystic light pours in from the horizon with the promise of so much in store

“Is it wrong that it doesn’t appear hopeless anymore?”

 

As the endless nights spent in anticipating the disaster sink in

As the much apprehended mayhem finally steps in

A sweet caressing peace surprisingly cleanses the core

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this… Is it wrong that it doesn’t hurt anymore?”

Addicted To You

With immense conviction, I slowly walk a hundred steps forward

And then turn to run a thousand steps back

Among wilful storms driving thoughts wayward

I try with might to not  seek for things I lack

 

 

With utmost will, I steadily stand through tempests

Yet the warm old breeze breaks me

Among attempts to enjoy a thousand zests

Your thoughts tempt, but I still try my best to not see

 

While I walk, you stealthily follow me

I try to run, and you are suddenly in front!

Malicious blizzards wreck all visions I had desired to see

And when they try to wreck you, I bear the brunt!

 

I break down and give up, but still try once more to learn.

Even after the thousandth failure, I try again to brew.

Among avalanching memories, I freeze, I melt, I rain, I burn.

How do I rehabilitate, when you are what am addicted to?

A Wish

Oh! At the juncture of this dark deep midnight

With each corner of room, garlanded with moonlight

With the light breeze giving shape to the child hopes, I drew.

I wish a pure wish to come true.

 

On this restless night, laden with unexplainable desire

To turn my quietness from an ember to reawakened fire

With closed eyes, and my soul stirring with irrevocable hope.

I have a dear wish_ and, for the first time, no strife with it, to cope.

 

Among this overflowing darkness, laden with a melodious mystic fervor

With a heart full of swelling dew and an utmost desire that I can savor

As a celebration of my solitude, beyond every norm

I have a wish, an innocent one_ and for the first time, to expect something from.

 

After sleepless nights of getting wet, under the rain of my shattered dreams

After nights of toil, of hopes, of losing hopes, of weeping quiet and of unheard screams

On this full moon night, with its silver absorbing all my pain

I have a wish_ to start living, all over again.

 

A Truth Dies

The gorgeous smile yet convinces the heart that weeps

Years of trust turned to unheard cries

Among celebration and laughter, feigned indifference seeps

While faith in yet another belief slowly dies

 

As failures close in, desires to win, lose existence

Uncertainties loom as clouds in vast black skies

The hurt gaze hardens from behind the fence

In an attempt to get stronger, yet another fetish dies

 

The distorted face chooses with no help

Varieties of smiling masks with shaded eyes

And somewhere among continually lying to myself

Yet another innocent truth dies

A Mistake

Among a hundred attainments, there still remains vindictive questions to ability

Among sighs of relief, a thousand worries that still occupy

Random lies drizzle, screaming their credibility

Yet a fault, of which, I cannot lie.

 

A fear of loss among the immeasurable gains,

The emptiness at ebb, after the achievements tide

Through the rapturous laughter that the heart feigns

The sting of an error remains, no matter how hard I try to hide

 

I win a thousand wars and conquer the impossible

Yet there is this one mistake, I lose out to.

Returning from the brightly lit lanes where angels assemble,

Your dark, infernal corners are what I still look into.